When Trauma Follows You Into Your Dreams

Almost everyone has had a nightmare.

Perhaps you've dreamed you were back in school taking an exam you never studied for. Maybe you've found yourself being chased by someone you couldn't quite see, getting lost somewhere unfamiliar, or desperately searching for someone you love. Most of us wake up, feel relieved that it was only a dream, and within a few hours the details begin to fade.

I've had vivid nightmares for as long as I can remember. Even now, every once in a while, I'll wake up feeling shaken by a dream that seemed incredibly real. They can leave me feeling unsettled, but eventually the feelings fade. 

For many trauma survivors, it isn't that simple. Nightmares don't simply interrupt sleep. They can make sleep feel unsafe. Instead of looking forward to bed, people who have experienced trauma may find themselves lying awake wondering if tonight will be another night of suffering. Some people dream about the traumatic event itself. Others dream of being chased, unable to scream, or trying to escape. Sometimes the dreams make no logical sense, yet they leave behind the same lingering feeling of fear.

When Sleep No Longer Feels Safe

After a traumatic experience, our sense of safety changes. The event may be over, but some part of us doesn't immediately recognize that the danger has passed. Even while we sleep, we can remain alert, scanning for danger (hypervigilance) and trying to make sense of something overwhelming.

Dreams are a way we process emotion and experience. After trauma, that process can become disrupted as the trauma “story” may not feel fully closed or consolidated. Instead of helping to integrate what happened, sleep can become another place where fear, helplessness, or vulnerability continue to surface. This is common in situations where the person has repressed, rather than fully worked through a traumatic event. Our culture often encourages people to “get it together,” rather than to fully process the losses trauma can bring.

Nightmares often carry emotional themes rather than literal memories. On the surface, dreams may seem to have nothing to do with what happened. Underneath, however, they may share the same emotional landscape. They speak the language of helplessness, danger, loss of control, or profound vulnerability.

Helping Your Body Remember That the Present Is Different

One of the goals of trauma recovery is helping us distinguish between then and now. The body needs to understand that the danger has passed and now it’s safe. There are many ways to help signal the body of safety, so consider what may be right for you.

Environment can contribute to our sense of safety. I often ask people to think about what may make their environment feel like a sanctuary. A favorite blanket, soft lighting, white noise, a meaningful photograph, or an object that reminds them of someone they love can all become reminders of safety. They can also help orient to the present rather than the past. For example a photo of a beloved child or partner may say “This is now.

Those things happened a long time ago. I am a mom/wife/partner now.”

Bedtime routines can signal the nervous system that the day is ending and can contribute to a sense of calm. Dimming the lights, reading for a few minutes, listening to calming music, taking a warm shower, or spending a few moments writing in a journal can all become small rituals that tell the body, “it’s time to rest safely now.” While it may seem like a small change these rituals sometimes make a big difference. For many, cell phones do just the opposite, so if that’s you keep screen time separate from bed time.

When in doubt, it’s helpful to ask “What do I need tonight to help me feel a little more at ease before sleep?”

What to Do When a Nightmare Wakes You

One of the hardest moments comes immediately after a nightmare.

People often wake believing, at least for a few seconds, that the danger is happening again. Before trying to fall back asleep, it is often helpful to reconnect with the present than to force yourself back to sleep. This is where grounding comes in handy.

Look around the room slowly. Feel your feet on the floor. Notice the weight of the blanket. Listen for ordinary sounds in your home. Take several slow breaths, making your exhale slightly longer than your inhale. Rather than rushing back to sleep, focus first on helping your body recognize that the nightmare has ended. 

Self-compassion matters here, too. Many survivors wake frustrated with themselves, wondering why these nightmares are still happening. Rather than becoming impatient or critical, I suggest thinking about how they would comfort someone else. A statement that affirms the experience (such as "that was frightening") or reminds them of safety (such as “you’re safe now.") can make a big difference.

Can You Change a Nightmare?

Surprisingly, yes.

One of the most effective treatments for recurring nightmares is called Imagery Rehearsal Therapy (IRT). Rather than trying to suppress the dream, you intentionally rewrite its ending while you are awake.

Imagine the moment the nightmare begins to unfold differently. Perhaps someone comes to help. Perhaps you discover an exit that wasn't there before. Perhaps your adult self steps into the dream and protects the frightened version of you. Maybe you finally find your voice, or simply realize you are no longer alone.

At first this can feel artificial. But over time, many people notice that their nightmares become less frequent or lose some of their emotional intensity. It's as though the mind begins to recognize that the story no longer has only one possible ending.

In many ways, trauma leaves us with unfinished experiences. Sometimes healing involves giving ourselves, in imagination, what we were never given in reality: protection, comfort, choice, or someone who stays.

Something to Reflect On

Some questions to consider if you are experiencing nightmares. These questions can help you to better understand your dreams.

If your dreams could speak, what emotion do they return to most often? Fear? Helplessness? Shame? Loneliness? Grief?

"What is this dream trying to tell me about what still needs care?"

What might my dreams be trying to show me that I haven't yet been able to put into words?

If my frightened part could speak without fear or shame, what might they want me to know?

About the Author

Heidi J. Dalzell, PsyD is a licensed clinical psychologist with more than 30 years of experience specializing in trauma, EMDR, eating disorders, and psychospiritual approaches to healing. She is passionate about helping people recover not only from the symptoms of trauma, but also reconnect with a deeper sense of safety, meaning, and wholeness. Learn more at www.talktogrow.com.