Dieting and Food Obsession: Creating a Better Relationship with Food this Holiday Season

Potatoes, onion, egg, bread crumbs and oil. Lots of oil.

The inner voice is my head saying carbs, fats, lots of fats.

While that was many years ago, the inner debate is as clear to me as if it was yesterday. One voice would say “It’s fine. It’s a holiday. Be there with your family. Enjoy,” while the other provided an endless litany of why the latkes, a traditional Hanukkah meal, were not allowed. 

The depriving voice would win at first, and I’d try to find loopholes. Pam instead of oil (Pam just does not fry, leaving the latkes limp and tasteless), cutting back on the oil (significantly less caloric when half stuck to the pan), adding veggies to make up for the carb ratio (the zucchini latke wasn’t all bad, but it wasn’t a latke).

Exercise and more exercise to allow myself to eat.

Is that your experience? Maybe not with latkes, but with other holiday traditions, like cookies, eggnog, your grandma’s stuffing. Are you trying the keto versions (I promise they are not good) or making them for your family and not yourself?

Stop. Rewind.

Holidays are about tradition and connection. This year in particular many of our traditions have been disrupted for the sake of safety. This is an area that you actually can control when it comes to your impulses to diet.

When you stop and think about how many of our traditions are connected to food – and I encourage you to do just that – the why of changing these patterns is clear. Families connect around food and the sharing of a meal. It doesn’t necessarily even need to be good to make a memory. My husband and I still joke about how my mom routinely undercooked the turkey, and we would all surreptitiously “warm it up” in the microwave to escape food poisoning. I suspect we all will be talking about that and celebrating this long after mom is no longer with us. I make desserts that have been in my husband’s family for many years, and enjoy receiving friends’ heirloom food gifts.

Food obsession takes us out of these moments, robbing us of the mindful experience of being together. Our inner critic can then take over, filling our mind with rules, what ifs and criticism. When the inner critic gains a voice, we rarely win because even a bite of a “forbidden” food becomes proof of our inadequacy. 

When we restrict food choices we also send powerful messages to our children and ourselves. As a therapist myself, I talk with adults who have memories of mom never coming to the table and eating with the family, or mom preparing a whole different meal for herself. Especially for the daughters, the message becomes one of self-denial. It’s easy to infer the reason mom is chowing down on a Weight Watchers turkey dinner rather than the family’s favorite lasagna. Children learn that controlling weight and the body is the most important thing, even more so than being a part of the celebration. The message to self can be equally upsetting – it proves our own gluttony should be deviate from rigid patterns.

What can we teach our children and tell ourselves instead?

We can teach that food is not bad. It provides a loving connection that we can enjoy fully, with a sense of appreciation. We can also teach them that they can have foods that satisfy them physically and emotionally.

The message to ourselves: we are worthy of feeding and of treating well.

If you are struggling this holiday season, try these strategies:

Create a Gentle Eating Rhythm

Regular meals and snacks help keep your body nourished so food doesn’t become the main focus of your thoughts. Eating consistently — even on days with big holiday meals — helps your system feel steadier and less reactive.

Try:

• Eat within 1–2 hours of waking

• Avoid “saving up” for holiday meals

• Include protein or fat for steadier energy

Use “Name It to Tame It” for Food Thoughts

When holiday food thoughts start looping, pause and identify what else might be going on — stress, overstimulation, perfectionism, or difficult emotions. Naming what you’re feeling brings clarity and helps separate emotions from food.

Try:

• “This isn’t about cookies… I’m overwhelmed.”

• “I notice I’m thinking about pie again. I’m actually anxious about seeing family.”

Slow Down With a Sensory Pause

Food obsession often ramps up when you're moving quickly or feeling disconnected from your body. Taking a brief sensory pause helps you come back into the present moment so food isn’t carrying all the emotional weight.

Try:

• Place a hand on your chest or belly

• Take three slow breaths

• Notice one thing you can see, hear, and feel

• Let your body settle before deciding what you want

Limit Comparison Triggers

Take space from diet talk, body comments, and social media that feeds comparison. Protecting your mental space helps quiet obsessive thoughts and reduces pressure.

Try:

• Unfollow or mute comparison-driven accounts

• Prepare simple responses to diet talk

• Step away from conversations that feel activating

Anchor in Non-Food Values

Identify what you want the season to feel like — connection, rest, joy, grounding — and create moments that support those values. When the focus expands beyond food, obsession naturally softens.

Try:

• A short grounding ritual each day

• Meaningful moments with loved ones

• A walk, journaling, or quiet time before/after gatherings